The United States Circus

In a way this blog helps me unleash frustrations and opinions about certain things that come up in my daily life. Unfortunately I do not untangle the frustrations every night before I go to bed. I should, but I don’t. So they build up.

I know many things take time to come to fruition. Certain things take time to resolve themselves; to rectify situations. It leaves me wondering if there was a way to come to an agreeable solution in the beginning. Families are being divided over political stances, personal beliefs and hatred and misunderstanding of things out of their control. People are being disowned be one another, people are being denied their rights as human beings.

The United States is a circus and it is floundering. It just keeps getting worse. There is more division, hatred, people trying to make everyone around them one way. When the U.S. was supposed to be for everyone to be who they are without being criminalized, marginalized and murdered for who they are as a human being. School tried to teach us about a melting pot, but the pot has since spilled and shattered.

My own family is feeling the repercussions of this dangerous train of thought. This “Christian nation”, “anti-minority”, “anti-LGBTQIA+”, “Anti-choice”, “anti-any other religion/belief system” is dangerous. The greed of our tyrannical elite. We are systematically destroying ourselves and being systematically destroyed, But forbid us from hiding from our own insecurities and we might just eat our feelings in fast food as our healthcare is taken away.

I’m just trying to make sense of it all and how to start fixing it, with as little violence from any side as possible. So far, all I’ve come to is to send an S.O.S. to outer space and hope other life might hear it and take pity on us… It’s far fetched I know, But I’ve got to think in between the endless everyday chores.

I’ve taken some time off of my blogs for personal recuperation, and it’s going to be a little bit longer. We will be leaving for vacation on Thursday. I might just post some stuff while we are driving…

Thursday morning thoughts on Physical Growth

The summer after I turned eight, my family had just moved from Florida to Montana. I am half of African decent from my fathers side. I had my first period. Of course I had no idea what was happening, My mother would’ve never have thought I would have it that soon.  I thought I had maybe rubbed some skin raw, because I had felt chaffing before. Although before that, I had already developed breasts. I’m sure other kids in my grade thought I was held back… But I wasn’t. By this time I was already wearing bras and not the training bras. I had skipped those pretty much over night.  I was wearing supporting bras, without the wire as I didn’t need the wire yet.

This is part of my late night ramblings.

I got to thinking, why are African, Hispanic, Asian and “Middle Eastern” descendant people considered abnormal in the United States?  Why do we still call ourselves a melting pot. When a CHILD of African, Asian, Middle Eastern, or Hispanic descent are considered and adult based on their appearance rather than their mental age, I feel as though that is  a problem, That Can Be Addressed. No one is put out by being educated  for free. When a child is forced to mature mentally faster than other children based on their physical appearance, that causes problems in whatever society they live in. Every child should be able to experience a childhood, fully, disregarding their physical appearance. Without their physical maturity being an issue as to what they are doing at the time.

I’ve noticed, with my experience, that people who mature physically faster than others of the same age group. That there is so much unwanted, unwarranted attention. None of us are trying to get married when we are twelve, none of us are trying to get treated as adults before our teens (at least not to my knowledge).

All I know is that these norms of how a human should grow should be based off of their family history, not by societal norms. I could’ve gone without knowing I was the only one (along with my best friend at the time) wearing a bra at the time. I could’ve gone with out that. I may have been even been more secure in my humanism at the time.

Who knows, I may have started a diary before now. Or a journal, just to be gender neutral.

Our Circus, Our Mutated Monkeys

Today was a fairly good day. Relaxing, I got some knitting done. we all sat down and watched a movie that we had been wanting to see for a while. Then I got to thinking as I was getting ready to go to bed.
When greed of material things, like money and fossil fuel make one feel it is acceptable to murder others, there is a major problem. The ones who think this murder is okay, should be ‘let go’.

When negative feelings and actions are pushed onto others due to a religious doctrine that survives on personal translation, rather than the straight forward translation. There is a major problem.
When ones perception of others, all over the planet, are derived from one news sources words and nuances. That is a major problem.
When one is more concerned with the lives of complete strangers being the way the one wants them to be, instead of the complete strangers being happy and healthy; having enough. That is a major problem.

The only way to kill the beast within is to starve it.

There haven’t been many posts to this page lately. Finding the words to express myself is proving extremely difficult. Now more than ever. I’ve also got many projects going and a day job, as well as a little one. I don’t much check my email for this blog, although I should.

I will be back to talk to you all again once I get more thoughts put into words.

Saturday Rambling

So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the current state of things in The United States. The current state of all human beings on planet Earth. The easiest thing for me to do is keep myself in my little bubble. I then realize we are all on this planet at the same time, experiencing life together. This togetherness is nothing to be afraid of, it is something to embrace. We are ignoring the horrible things, or at least trying to hide them so we can pretend they aren’t happening and feel like we are alleviating ourselves of responsibility for what we are inflicting on one another. I’m sure anyone who is reading this can think of something happening right now or something they’ve done they wish they could take back or stop.

I know love makes the world go round, but lately it feels like its stopped moving entirely. We are all still here though, which is awesome. That means we still have time to be better.

Of course I’m not without fault, I’ve let my emotions get the better of me one too many times than I’d care to admit. I’ve said, done and felt things I really wish I didn’t. All there is left to do is stop myself and think through whether or not its worth the time and energy delve into those thoughts and emotions at that time. Or even at all.

I’m Disappointed

I would not describe what I am feeling as anger. I would describe it as disappointment. I am disappointed in those who dismissed the hate, sexism, racism and extreme narcissism to elect someone who is “Strong Minded” and “Says what he means”. I am disappointed in those who believe everything the news broadcasts without any question. I am disappointed in those who want “Good old fashioned family values” (From the 1950s). I’m disappointed that there are people in this “Free” country who feel a woman president would be worse than my sons and my life being in danger due to our skin tone alone. I am extremely disappointed in all of you who believe your shit does not stink. Are you that jaded? Did you pay any attention in school? Maybe you have no compassion and believe “Every man for himself”. Maybe you are your antichrist. I do not know what is wrong with you, but I do hope it gets fixed soon.

People close to me have already been verbally abused in public. It’s not too soon before that becomes life threateningly physical. Trump is not a license to hate, and the whole world is laughing at us. The whole world is ashamed of us. The whole world is afraid of stupid people in large groups, Which this country has proven itself to be nothing short of.

America I am disappointed in you. I hoped too hard that you knew better.

New Mom Training?

I must admit getting up this early is kind of nice. Not only is there coffee already made, but it is quiet. It is quiet outside, and the baby is quiet unlike in the evenings. Where everything is horrible and he is starving to death, as if he doesn’t suck the life force out of me every couple of hours. Yesterday at 10:42 pm marked his being his own sentient being for 3 weeks. So that’s exciting! I wish there were words to describe the moment when he was first plopped on my chest. The smell as well of him when he came out did something to my brain and made me happier than I think I have ever felt in my life so far. Despite the lack of good sleep and being just as scatter brained as I was when I was pregnant, I wouldn’t give any of this up. Says the person that at one point in their life didn’t want anything to do with babies at all. Who now has one, and fish and a cat… How did I ever not give instincts the credit they deserve?